alchemicals | IC Contact / empatheias

[Well, he couldn't keep anything from Kimbley if he really wanted to. Which he doesn't, of course. Still, this is sort of awkward to talk about...]

I'm fine, yes. It's just... I still have difficulty understanding why you would want to do something like that for no reason.

It's better than feeling things sometimes. That's probably the best way I know how to put it.

...I suppose it might better than experiencing negative emotions, but...

[...]

I don't know. Something about it still bothers me.

[The temperature has dropped a little to reflect that.]

[......]

...Do you want to try it sometime?

[Well that was the last thing he expected.]

...What?

[Oh, um.]

I've done it to people before. Drained their feelings a bit so they wouldn't feel anything. I did it pretty thoroughly to Kirihara once when she was really upset.

It doesn't last very long, and I've got...things...in my room to get rid of it, if it starts messing you up. But if you want to know what it's like, I can show you.

I didn't realize you could do something like that.

[He's not sure what it says that Kimbley's never mentioned this before, but that doesn't really matter.]

I'll never understand it if I don't experience it. I'd like to.

[And maybe that's not the sort of decision he should make so easily, but the only way he'll ever get over his uneasiness about apathy is to actually experience it.]

Give me a second, then, and come get on the couch in the meantime. I'll be right back.

[He's just going to fuck off into his room for a minute; god knows he's got an absolute stockpile of White's stuff in there, and he takes a moment to consider before taking a couple of the bottles back with him. He settles on Calmness and Appreciation - the former because it's probably going to be needed, the latter (it's called Ode to Joy, and if that doesn't have a bit of irony in it, he doesn't know what does) because it's designed to diminish worries. Which might be a good thing.

He'll set the bottles down when he comes back in, though he doesn't sit down just yet.]

You're sure you want to do this?

[His tone is more genuinely questioning than argumentative, at least.]

[He's settled on the couch by the time Kimbley comes back in, though "settled" means that his posture is perfect and his hands are on his knees. There's a bit of tightness to his posture, but not much more than usual. The temperature hasn't dropped any, which is probably a good sign as far as Archer goes.]

I am, yes. There's no sense in putting it off.

[Especially because if he does, he'll find ways to talk himself out of doing it entirely. He isn't going to give himself the chance for that.

...The potions are a little worrying, but he's just going to ignore that.]

All right. I don't have to touch you or anything, but close proximity is going to be a thing for a while.

[He'll sit down next to him easily enough, though he seems a bit more attentive than he usually does, as opposed to the usual laid-back manner in which he does things; he takes a second just to make sure Archer's not going to protest before he starts doing...well, what he does.

It's gotten easier to focus it since December, when he'd done this to Kirihara; the process spreads easily enough, and perhaps more importantly it's reasonably fast. It's probably going to damage the couch a bit, destroy the coloration on it, but that can be fixed later; what matters now is that the process is working in the first place. It's not changing any emotions into something else - it isn't producing calmness or focus, it's siphoning everything out, any emotions that may be present fading quickly and deliberately into nothing, diminishing until it simply isn't anymore.

It's possibly a little surreal or disturbing at first, but it's not like that's going to matter for too long.]

[Archer has seen what Kimbley can do with apathy, so the damage to the couch isn't unexpected. There is a sudden cold spike that Archer tries to control as Kimbley gets started, because no matter how much he tries to convince himself he's prepared for this, he isn't. He isn't and he's really not sure this is such a good idea now that it's starting...

But it doesn't take long for the cold spike to stabilize and the fear to vanish. It isn't calm or comfortable, not in a way he's used to. It isn't anything, really. He isn't sure there is another way to describe it. He doesn't feel bothered by any of this, but he doesn't feel any better knowing that he does understand it now.

(And it's not like that matters either, really. He was so worried about understanding it, but now that he's experiencing it he really can't understand why. It just is; that's all there is to it.)

Archer is quiet for a moment before looking at Kimbley.]

...I'm not sure what I was expecting.

[Not this, apparently. There isn't any sort of emotional effect, and he's only leeching a little bit of color out of the couch, though that's probably because Kimbley already took a good amount of it.]

You holding out all right?

[He seems to be, anyway; just kind of a lot of nothing. Which is more or less what everybody involved was aiming for.]

[He considers the words carefully. Is he fine? He thinks so, anyway. Eventually he nods.]

I'm fine, yes. Is this what it's always like for you?

[Well, not always, but whatever.]

It's what it's like a lot of the time, yeah. It doesn't hurt me any, and it isn't even all that bad. It's just kind of blank.

If it's like that for too long I'll get kind of restless eventually - sort of like I should be doing something, but I don't know or really care what. More of a physical thing than a mental thing, I guess. That's usually when wanting to be up somewhere high happens, at least around here; best-case scenario maybe something interesting will happen. Worst-case, maybe I'll fall and break something and that'll be interesting too. Either way, it won't be all of that. Breaks up the monotony a little, you know?

...I believe I can understand that. Right now I don't want to do anything, but...

[Well, he can see where that sort of stimulation might be needed. Anything would probably be good after a long time of this. Kimbley's lived his entire life like this. That sort of thought should probably get some sort of reaction out of him, but the most it gets is an "oh" before Archer dismisses it.]

But it gets kind of weird eventually.

[...Anyway.]

I'd ask you if you want to knock it off, but I doubt you care very much one way or another. So I'm going to make an executive decision and tell you to take something, all right?

[Just...here, have the calming thing, it'll help wake your feelings up without it being anything overly strong or upsetting or whatever.]

[Well, alright. If that's what we're doing then sure, why not. Archer looks from Kimbley to the potion for a moment before accepting it. He can acknowledge that it's a little weird for Kimbley to take charge like that, but that's really all there is.

The calming effects start working immediately, which won't save the couch but it'll certainly stop the color leeching from spreading. Calmness is nice, he can do calm it just isn't something he does very often around anyone who isn't Kimbley, but that doesn't matter since Kimbley is here and Kimbley's fine and... wow it feels weird to feel things right now, uh.]

...Well, that was... something.

[He has absolutely no idea what to say about any of that (because that requires thinking about it and he's not sure he wants to right now) but it's warming up a bit in here, which is probably entirely due to the potion.]

[...All right, that's...good, artificial or not.]

The potion's probably going to feel weird too, for a little while; just give it a second. I take enough of them to know that it probably shouldn't mess you up, but I'm kind of a weird case and I'm not too sure how it works on people whose feelings are usually working to full capacity.

I'm sure most people don't experience anything like this.

[You know, having fully functioning emotions (sort of) and then shutting them all off for a bit, then taking a potion to kickstart emotions again. Yep. That's a little different.]

...Thank you though, for assisting me with this.

Don't mention it. You've been saying you want to understand for a while now.

[...]

I'm not going to do that to you again unless you ask me to, for reference.

...Good.

[The sense of relief is obvious even before the temperature rises a bit more. He's not entirely sure why he's relieved, since he doesn't feel bad about anything that just happened, but it's there anyway.]

I didn't believe you would, of course. You haven't done anything like that before now and I... Well, I trust you.

[Which still sounds stupid to say, even if it isn't getting the usual bubbles from him.]

...Yeah, I know you do.

[That seems to settle him a bit, though, and he'll move away a little on the couch; just to provide some space, really, not like he's bothered by anything.]

So do you think that gave you any of the answers you wanted?

...I'm not sure. I'll have to think about it.

[Judging from his tone, he's not sure he really wants to.]

It was certainly an experience.

[yep.]

...You going to be okay?

[The calmness hasn't faded any, but there's a sudden drop in temperature. A few minutes ago that question wouldn't have bothered him at all and he's not sure why it's hitting him wrong now, but...]

I believe so. I'm fine right now.

[...sort of.]

IC Contact / empatheias

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