alchemicals | IC Contact / empatheias

[Oh, um.]

I told him I wouldn't have an answer, and the closest thing I could think of was "not wanting someone to die," but that seemed kind of wrong, so I wanted to know what he had to say about it.

[And then...well, give him a moment, actually, before he just- ]

...This was back when I was really fucked up, so that led into talking about mourning people? And not wanting to live without them and stuff.

It was all just things like that, and also the standard "wanting the best for people" stuff that most people talk about, and that was about it.

[................................]

Right, but you can want that sort of thing for friends as well. It doesn't need to be... romantic.

[He says, like the word itself is toxic.]

There's absolutely no way that's what it is. Elios really shouldn't take everything in that sort of way when that's obviously not what it is.

[HE'S GOING FOR THE GOLD IN MENTAL GYMNASTICS, HE'S GOT THIS]

[...You are...really kind of mad, uh.]

Well, yeah? He kind of implied that too - I think he also handles the platonic stuff and not just romantic? Something like that.

Of course. That's all it is. Don't get any stupid ideas.

[...it's a really stupid idea.

Some of the bubbles pop as if to spite him. Archer considers finding a sharp object to pop them all before deciding against it. He just has to act natural!! Kimbley doesn't suspect a thing!! Not that there's anything to suspect, of course!!]

Wouldn't dream of it. Are you going to relax now, or is that going to take a minute?

[...you are so mad holy shit look at you go]

[would you stop!! smirking!! that is absolutely not helping!!]

I am relaxed!

[that is the most blatant lie and more bubbles pop violently, because of course they do.]

All of that - [vague gesturing to the bubbles and the, uh. the everything you have decided to be right now] - kind of says otherwise.

I'll leave you alone about it, though; I had no idea you got so flustered about that sort of thing, you might want to see someone about the stick up your ass.

You—!

[GODDAMMIT NO, HE IS NOT GOING TO RISE TO THE BAIT, HE'S GOT THIS]

Don't be ridiculous. It's not anything that flusters me. It's annoying, that's all.

[...Archer, you have not had this for approximately the last fifteen minutes.]

All right, all right. Calm down, okay? You win.

[He sounds amused as hell, but at least he's backing off?]

[IF HE REPEATS IT ENOUGH THEN SURELY IT'LL WORK]

Don't patronize me! There's no winning with this!

[SERIOUSLY, NO WINNING AT ALL

NOW HE'S GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT IT FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE

AND WHAT IF HE REALIZES THAT THERE'S SOME TRUTH TO THAT, THEN WHAT????

NO WINNING AT ALL

...but he'll try very hard to settle a bit, because he has absolutely lost this conversation and nothing went the way he thought it would and god, he sort of hates everything.

(Except he doesn't, not really, and it's really warm in a comfortable way instead of the stifling heat that he usually creates when his anger goes fiery instead of frosty.)]

All right, then you don't win, whatever you say.

[jesus christ, what a shitshow.]

...Look, to get back on topic. I don't...know if I'm going to be able to do what you want. So if you'd stop acting like somehow you're failing because I'm fucked up, that'd be great.

[...speaking of shitshows...]

...I do have a tendency to make everything about me, so that's... ultimately where the problem is, I believe.

[He's trying to be less self-centered when it comes to Kimbley, but it's Difficult.]

I believe I understand a bit better now, though. If you genuinely can't experience that, then it's... Well, it's not ideal, but that's an idea I'll start getting used to. I don't want to try to force you into something.

[Especially if he's genuinely incapable of it. It'll suck and he'll hate everything, but this isn't about him.]

Even if it isn't possible, I want you to at least get what enjoyment you can from your life here.

[Since you couldn't even have that back home. And that's all it is, it's just friendship.]

[...Oh. Well, that's. Uh. That was a lot easier than he'd thought it would be, what now.]

...I am, though.

[That's a start, probably. Just give him a second, because words.]

I'm not as fucked up all the time here - back in Amestris I didn't even realize that I was fucked up all the time? And yeah, it's a mess here, but it's...better, usually.

[how do you like it when things don't go as expected]

...I'm very pleased to hear that.

[It's not exactly a smile, but it's probably the closest Archer can get. It is a relief to hear that, honestly, though it's something he's sort of suspected for some time now.]

It's really important to me that you're content here, at the very least.

[...you know, maybe that's the sort of thing that might give elios the wrong idea??]

Yeah, I'm fine. Usually. And even when I'm not, it isn't like...

[He falls quiet for a moment at that, though; gathering thoughts more than anything.]

It isn't...

[......]

Sorry. About a few months ago.

[It's a little abrupt, and he doesn't exactly sound like he feels guilty about it, per se; it's the sort of rote apology that happens because it's something that should probably be done, even if the person apologizing doesn't really understand why.

Just the same, he's never really offered an actual apology for any of that, to anyone. So maybe it's progress.]

I was really fucked up back then. I'm not interested in doing that just for the hell of it, and even when I'm reckless it's not really with the goal of trying to kill myself - I'll do stuff that might run a risk that I'll hurt myself, yeah, but nothing that's going to lead to me dying on purpose, because I don't want that.

I...like it here. And I'm not trying to do that. So. Yeah. I know that came from nowhere last time, and I... Sorry. About that.

[The temperature drops a bit and those tiny clouds form again. Archer finds that he can't even pretend to look at Kimbley, so he busies himself with his sleeves, as though they aren't already perfect.]

I can't say I understand that - not fully, at least - but you have explained it to me and the explanation makes sense.

[As much sense as it can make, he thinks.]

I... Well, to be blunt, I never want to go through anything like that again. But more importantly, I don't want you to go through anything like that again. Even if it wasn't suffering that can't have been pleasant for you. I don't want you to ever be in a position where you feel that is a good idea.

[He's quiet for a moment after that's out there, though. He's not doing a very good job of talking about this, but that's not exactly surprising.]

...Thank you for the apology. I really appreciate it.

[Even if Kimbley doesn't understand why it's necessary, it really is a relief to hear it.]

...Don't mention it.

[This is so awkward, but at least he's sort of putting effort forth. A bit. Maybe.]

You don't like the idea of me being dead. Even if it's not going to stick. I get it.

I don't. I don't want anything to happen to you.

[Not after Liore, though he's sure that he wouldn't want anything to happen to Kimbley even if he wasn't convinced that Kimbley was dead back home. It's awkward to think about given what Kimbley brought up earlier, so he doesn't dwell on it.]

I will continue to do what I can for you. I always will. If I can offer you something to do to help keep you occupied, then I will.

[It may never be enough, but until he's got a better idea it's the best he can do. He does trust that Kimbley will talk to him about anything like that in the future, so maybe... Maybe Kimbley really won't die again.]

I'm not too interested in letting anything happen to me, so you're in luck there. I've been doing all right at keeping myself busy lately, I think, but if I need anything I'll let you know.

[It's a little flippant, maybe, but ultimately he does mean what he says.]

I'm not like that all the time, you know. What I showed you.

...I didn't think you were.

[The words come easily and he's a little surprised to realize that he does believe that. Kimbley isn't always that apathetic.]

Still, I'm glad to hear it.

I try to take some of that weird girl's potions when I'm feeling like that for too long. They feel kind of strange, but they do their job. Either that or I do stuff with Tetra a bit.

It keeps me busy enough, anyway.

I know I've been hard on Tetra, but I really am glad you have her. I would have preferred something that doesn't cling to the side of the house and nearly give me a heart attack, but it's nice that you have her.

[He's sort of smirking though, so. Tetra's alright BUT SHE'S A SIX FOOT LIZARD AND HE WILL NEVER GET OVER THAT.]

It's not like she's hurting anything up there. As long as she's not biting anyone, I don't see what the problem is.

...I'm amazed we haven't gotten any complaints from the neighbors.

...Well, it is my house that she's doing it to.

IC Contact / empatheias

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